A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
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i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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