are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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