Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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