so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
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I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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