God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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