Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
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That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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