I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
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i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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