Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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