I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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