I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize