could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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