maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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