my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize