she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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