My sheets look like a crime scene.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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