I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize