i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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