4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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