Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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