At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
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I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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