rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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