I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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