I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My vagina is very pro this idea
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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