Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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