I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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