He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
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Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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