I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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