You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize