my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize