I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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