Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize