we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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