allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
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I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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