I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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