Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize