your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize