No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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