sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
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How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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