So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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