i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize