she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
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I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
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Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Come on in and take your pants off
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