and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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