SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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