I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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