As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize