its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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