she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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