I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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