I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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