Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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